Breathe out the old...in the new...

At first I was afraid. I was petrified.

I ran to the nearest mirror. I inspected my nose hairs for any extra long strays. I tugged at a few of the bed head strands of my styled-to-look-messy hair. I made sure my shirt was tucked in to reveal my "new" ass. I gargled with my organic mouthwash. I shined my boots. I may have even dropped down and squeezed out twenty push-ups (like when we used to date) to give myself a freshly pumped look.

I came up the stairs to find that I was not afraid. My heart was not aching with every heartbeat as it had so many times before. My hear wasn't even racing. I was angry but confident. You were somewhere you shouldn't be. You were doing all the things you shouldn't do. But, poor you, you just can't stop. I was confident but angry. One could say I was maybe confidently angry. I may have been angrily confident. I am not sure how the combination of the two end up rationing themselves over my emotions. But, I was both. I was grace and power. I was tranquil and in motion. I danced around you with reckless abandon but with total control over my surroundings. I looked you in the eye and saw right through you. You are hallow. I wanted your heart to beat. I wanted your pulse to rise. You were in MY house...UNWELCOME.

But I remained a gracious host. A professional manager. My normal, flirty, happy-go-lucky, playful self.

I believe I breathed my very last high strung breath with regards to you. It was a tight breath but after I let it out, the amount of new, clean, fresh air that I let in carried me to new heights. Higher than you. Bigger than you. And yes, I will say it, BETTER than you.

I am so strong...right now!

Dee in Dolce

We will call him Dee. This will stand for his designer douche bagness and his dee-lite that he added to my night. Let me fist describe Dee. He's a little bit chubby if I'm going to stoop to the shallow edges of myself. Dee is tall. Dee is young (23-25). Dee is also drunk. He's feminine without being tranny. He is stumbling and fumbling somewhere he is not supposed to be and I politely ask if he needs assistance and guide him in the proper direction out of the basement of the bar. How he got there in the first place is beyond me. The following is my 2 min and 2 sec exchange with Dee.

(Oh and btw, I was also on a phone call)

Me: Can I help you? You shouldn't be down here?
Dee: Wha? I just...ummm...I am looking for drag queens.
Me: Well, we don't keep them in the basement here. Besides, I think they left.
Dee: (Pause with an open mouth stare then finally in his best valley girl voice)...Um...geez sorry I am wearing dolce. (Which could also be Sorry. I AM wearing Dolce.)
Me: What? That's nice. Now right this way up this flight of stairs. Watch your step.

Dee stops dead in her tracks and he says: "Do you know? I mean where on earth can you find Micheal (insert long weird name of some designer perhaps)? I mean you can't find him in New York..."
Me: Excuse me? I don't understand what you just said?
Dee: Puhleeeessseeee, I am just saying...
Me: (interrupting) I am not sure what you are saying because it has been nothing but hoots and clicks since I found you stumbling around. Can you please head up these stairs and I will show you out.

Dee begins to work up the stairs. This is different than walking up a flight of stairs. It's runwaying up the stairs. Work! But, just before he reaches the top of the stairs he speaks in his best Janice Dickinson and says...

"You're a poor bitch."

Me: Excuse me? What's that supposed to mean?
Dee: You heard me. A poor Bitch! This is Dolce+.

With that he shonteyed* out the door and back into the gay fray of Therapy bar.

+Apparently Dolce is this really tacky black jacket with horrible black floral stitching on it. But, also apparently it makes you NOT Poor!
*shontey is a word used by Rupaul in her hit song Supermodel. It's really spelled Shante. At least according to her liner notes inside the CD. But, since I am a poor bitch who can't afford an education, I made up this spelling. I am certain my pal Dee would know the proper spelling of this FABULOUS word from the fashion and pop culture vernacular