It's been awhile. I know.
It is also very rare that I journal within my blog. Lately, over the past year I have only eluded to my life or written from various perspectives. Sometimes, I have even tried my hand at fiction. But, mostly I have tried to keep a "James Frey" approach to my writing. A fine line between reality and fiction. True emotion or assignment of such. I write in vague metaphors which some "writers" can not stand, other's relish. I stretch myself as a thinker. I give you only a taste of what I might be going through with little to no explanation. Or I rely on a funny story from my past that is guaranteed to garner comments.
This blog exists solely for my own needs. It scratches an itch I have. The itch to try all the uncharted areas of my creativity. The itch to express myself. The itch to gossip safely and anonymously (sort of). The itch or urge rather to be read and understood. The desire to find commonalities among other thinkers and evolving human beings out there.
The blog stems from the creativity and thoughts of other's. Specifically, it's beginnings come from Joely's company. One of my best friend's blogs. This blog has been many things. It's been a bitch fest, a vent system, a piece of art, a lesson in loneliness, an exercise in storytelling, etc. Through her thoughts I found other thinkers. Too many to name here. Some are linked other's are not...yet. But, there are so many people out there with so much to say. Your blogs and your comments often stir my thoughts enough to provoke me to write. Thank you.
I never want to be a Stephanie Klien or a Joe.My.God. or a Perez Hilton. (Or maybe the longing is so deep it hasn't penetrated me yet.) I just want to write when I feel like it and when I have the time.
Lately, things are going well for me. I am surviving work. I am learning to live by myself more and more each day. I am trying to relax my thoughts and my reactions. I am looking at myself in the mirror again and content with what is reflected back at me. I am deepening my personal relationships. I am making goals. I am taking the baby steps needed to reach them. I am working on my tolerance. I am focusing on my future (one tiny fragment at a time). And I am not feeling guilty for much of anything anymore. That is the biggest step. I have been sad and lonely because I feel guilty for silly things, unimportant things, and things that have passed and there's nothing more that could be done.
I have a lot more to say than this. I just wanted to post an update.
This just in.
Life just IS right now. Nothing too fabulous or tragic to report.
I am Being.
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3 comments:
Guilt is the enemy, the worst evil there is. It's a cancer that eats us from within. We suspect we should feel guilty because we do... I've noticed that people who really should feel guilty never do.
Clearing guilt from one's heart and head is a worthwhile endeavor. Keep it up, you.
*smooch*
Yeah, her blog is great! I can see why you would find it inspiring. She is a really really great girl and has lots of important things to say. Men love her and women want to be her.
People like to make you feel guilty because, like fear, it has the power to control. My mother can't stand the fact that she can't "guilt me" into anything. It's hard, but life is much lighter this way.
Oh, I noticed the Imogen Heap link. Remember when she performed on David Letterman? I was there! Cool chic.
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