Things I would say to him, and him and him and him. All the one hour dates, flirts, chance meetings that keep me hibernating in front of my fan and next to my books and magazines. Surrounded by empty bottles of vitamin water.
Don't put your thumb and forefinger above my hipbones searching for cum gutters.
Don't ask me where I bought my V-Neck and then roll my sleeves down or pull the V up toward my neck.
Don't stop me on the street in the pouring rain to explain why you haven't called in weeks. I didn't even like you that much. I only liked that you liked me. Or so I thought.
You are not allowed to reject me. YOU pursued ME, remember?
Stop quizzing me about my waist size and then lifting your shirt to reveal an 8 pack. (p.s. when did it go from a 6 pack to an 8 pack. Jesus Christ!)
I don't want to see you walking home from the gym. But, more than that, I don't want you to tell me your gym schedule or how many hours you spend there, or what you worked on today.
ARRRGGGHHH!
Sleeveless shirts are for pubs or parks not wine bars and intimate dinners. Plus, you are an adult now...aren't you?
What makes you think it is okay to squeeze my thigh underneath the table and chuckle when I don't flex my thigh bicep? We only knew each other for a total of 52 minutes.
Stop talking about the last guy you dated. You hardly knew each other. You act like he is an ex-boyfriend. This should be eye opening for me.
Why would you proceed to compliment me on my shape only to say that if I worked out more religiously I would be "really hot." Thanks for basically saying I am lukewarm.
Come up with something better than I need to walk my dog. Not too quick are we?
STOP COMING INTO MY PLACE OF WORK AND ACTING LIKE WE NEVER KISSED OR YOU HAVEN'T CALLED, THEN PROCEED TO "MAKE OUT" WITH A DIFFERENT BOY THAN ME. ONE THAT JUST HAPPENS TO BE SOMEONE I ONCE MADE OUT WITH.
I know we all like to look. But, learn how to tilt your head with some sense of subtlety. Sneak a peak when I am slicing into my fillet. Not when I am telling you about my scar on my forehead.
And please, please, please NEVER EVER give me a ride home and proceed to rub your crotch and make whimpering moan-like sounds and say "you're gonna leave me like this?" And point to your crotch.
Oh, and that bite you drunkenly tried to rip off of my shoulder looked like a F'in hickey I had to explain away in yoga class to my fellow yogis. Thanks you big ass drunk!
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3 comments:
i love this post! okay, the exclamation point makes me sound happy, which i most certainly am not when i read about how this ass is treating you. but i completely know what you're saying and have been there, was there, am there now, and will be there again!
you are a strong black woman-- sojourner says so. don't let these fools oppress you! you are amazing!
Clementine, you should not make time for shit like this. As my Mother tells me, church is a great way to meet good men--one's who will respect you! (That's a joke). But really, I know this modern age is tough but are people really speaking to each other this way? The focus is so off and it is really hurtful. This would be cause for me to want to stay alone.
On another note I hate CUM GUTTERS; the phrase. Absolutely disgusting.
Everybody knows you don't meet nice men in bars!!
Now, the phone sex lines . . . that's another story!
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