The Moment I said it...

The moment I uttered the words, I knew I had changed. IT had changed. THIS had changed. Because, what I was feeling/thinking/experiencing left the moment I put it out there in words, I now feel a sense of loss.
Loss for the feeling. For the moment of blissful ignorance. For the moment before I said it. The moment before it was out there for the taking.

While on the phone, 9 times out of 10, one of the first questions asked is..."How are you?"

The responses are...
"Fine."
"Okay."
"Good."
"Well."

I recently responded with, "GRRRREAT!" (yes, a lot like Tony the Tiger)
But, just before I growled my 'great", I hesitated. I stumbled. I stuttered with, "I'm o'...ahhh...grrrrrreat!"
Soon thereafter, a matter of minutes I believe, I did not feel grrreat anymore. This is not to say I felt anything bad or negative. I just didn't feel as strong of a feeling of greatness as I had prior to declaring it.
My soul made me stutter and stumble before declaring my state. My soul knew that the true rush of the genuine "greatness" I was feeling would soon dissipate. My soul tried to keep me in that moment.

I desperately want to hang on to the feeling I was languishing in before I declared it. Better yet, I am trying not to mourn the loss of that moment before I said it. I am a mourner. I am trying to change that. Even more still, I am trying to let my soul guide me.

I received recognition in my workplace for a job well done. Gratitude was shown to me in many forms. I left my workplace elated, confused, wild, reckless, lifted, laughing, and proud. I picked up the phone and the moment I said it-- things shifted.

I know what I am saying makes no sense. Not to you. Not to me even. But, somewhere within myself, I know exactly what I am feeling and thinking. It is just fleeting from the moment I said it....