Will you light my candle?

I am a go-go-go kinda guy. Always have been. Probably always will be. I frequently go about my day with 3 hours and 45 minutes of sleep. I thrive on my packed schedule. I fuel up on having to be in three places at once. I may be the fastest walker in NYC. I function better under pressure. Work hard. Play hard. The phrase is..."burn the candle at both ends."

My candle's out.

After two weeks of working everyday at Therapy(12 hour shifts), five full days at Playwrights Horizons, two shifts at the Bikram studio, two meetings, three interviews, New Year's Eve party planning, housing guests in our apartment for two nights, and two nights of cocktail-ing thrown into the mix, my candle went out today around 1:11pm.

I was supposed to be at Playwrights Horizons' front desk at 10:00am. Instead, I was on the phone with the front desk at 1:00pm. apologizing for my embarrassing irresponsibility. I scraped up the remains of my pride and dignity and scrambled to work. In my hustle and bustle to beat the traffic at the northeast corner of 9th Avenue and 43rd Street, I realized I might not make it across the street before the UPS truck hit me, and I had to step back to the curb. It was in this moment, this pause forced upon me, that I took a deep breath. It was in the release of this breath that I blew my candle out. I looked down shaking my head with shame, anger, and embarrassment, and there in the guttered curb was a candle. Seriously!? It couldn't have been more serendipitous, cosmic, or whatever! It was one of those spirally, blue and white, little birthday candles. I giggled to myself. Then I laughed. OUT LOUD! I must have looked like a crazy person. Especially after I reached down and picked up the candle. I carried the candle one block to the Southeast corner of 42nd and 9th. It was there that I tossed the candle underhanded into the middle of the moving traffic. I waited. People were trying to see what I was looking at. It took only a few cars passing until finally one of them ran over it. That candle died.

I looked up, began to cross 9th Avenue, stopped, turned around and (since I was already late) walked into Dunkin' Donuts for a delicious, heaping, helping of hazelnut coffee. I was going to need the caffeine to get me going again. It only took one sip of the soothing elixir for me to feel the fire of a new candle starting to burn. Only this candle is burning at one end. For now at least.

Was the candle in the street a sign? Probably. Was it a sign to slow down? Maybe. Was it a sign to stop burning at both ends? Possibly.
I see it as a sign to take pause. I will always burn the candle at both ends. It will burn out. I will light another and another. Again and again. This will be my life. All I need to remember to do is to take pause every now and then. Pause for purpose. Pause for practicality. Pause for perspective.

Oh, and for coffee.