SENT

I revised UNSENT and today I am putting this one in the mailbox. Keep your fingers crossed.



Dear Dad,

First of all, things have been so ridiculously busy, that I have to apologize for not being around or in touch much lately. But, so far I am still happy at my job. I am making great money, have lots of control (which we all know I love), and I feel like a professional adult for the first time in my life. I am sorry for being so out of touch and I hope that your feeling good and your health is in tact.

I guess you are probably wondering why I am writing you a letter? Well, for many reasons actually. The main reason is because you and I don’t talk about sensitive subjects or secrets. We have always had a good relationship but we are not talkers. A letter let’s me put what I want to say in as little words as possible and give it to you to mull over in your mind. I wished I could retrace my steps from childhood to today and detail all the things I have always wanted to say throughout my lifetime in one letter. But, with a letter like this, I just have to do my best to cut to the chase. I can't give you all the back story that I wished I could. I can't catch you up on the nearly ten years of my life in NYC. I can't inform you of how I have come to the conclusions that I stand firmly on. All I can do is say what I must.

I am excited that you and Cody might be coming to NYC. But, before you come to visit me here in NYC, there is one very important part of my life that I have kept from you. I feel sorry about it, but I have never known how to tell you or what you might think. But, you need to hear. You don't have to understand it. You don't have to like it. You just have to know it. And I have to tell you. I am gay. It's a secret I have not only kept from you, but from many of my friends and family over the years. It was once a secret from myself. I hate that there has been a small part of myself that I have kept from you. I am sorry. I am no different of a person, please trust me on that. However, I have come to learn that being gay is a part of who am I just as much as being a brown-eyed Cherokee boy is a part of me. I can not change this. Believe me..

I am still a great person. I am still that smart son, Dad. That attractive son. That talented son. That successful son. That funny son I have always been. I am still me. The me you see. Only, I am gay. I am approaching 30 years old, Dad. I can't and don’t want to live my life to please anyone else anymore. I have to move past my fear of disappointing you. I don't want to have a relationship with you that doesn't include knowing this about me. I don't want to keep secrets from each other anymore.

That being said, the secret is out. Now, what do you do with it? You want to keep it a secret? That's a choice and I will support that. This society is a crazy, malicious and vicious one. You don’t have to talk about it. You don’t have to do anything with this information. I will support that. But, I needed you to know. That's all that matters to me. The box is unlocked. If your trip out to NYC to see where I live and what my life is like is a step to building a stronger relationship with me, then my telling you about being gay is my step to a better relationship with you.

Whatever you want to know about me, just ask. Whenever you are ready to know, just ask. You don't want to know anything? I will understand. Take your time. But, if you still want to visit me in NYC, I had to tell you. I have a life here. It involves me being gay. I wouldn't have been able to hide it from you. Ten years can't be put in a box and slid under my bed.

I still want you to come visit. I want you to meet my friends. I want you to see the beautiful place where I work and the city I call home. If this letter changes your mind about visiting, I will understand. Hopefully another time in the future. If you have trouble with this part of my life, I will understand. Take your time. But, please call, write, or email when you have received this.

Sincerely with love and respect,
Your Proud Gay Son