It begins when I look at him. The attraction on my end is instantaneous. He, on the other hand, is aloof. He doesn't show signs of reciprocation or signs of repulsion. He is entirely too neutral. There are a few others around too. All attractive and enticing in their own ways. I set my sights on one and pull my focus toward him.
From a distance, he looks so intimidating, magical, breathtaking, sweeping. I am filled with anticipation and fright. I am sure he looks better than he really is. I am sure up close I will see the parts that make him up and hold him together. I am sure he won't look as beautiful up close as he does from a far. I want to run to him. But, I know that the sooner I get there the sooner it is over. As I approach, my heart rate quickens as my nerves tighten. What if I don't like him? What if he doesn't do it for me?
He makes me wait for him. Others are waiting too. He makes me share him with others. He makes me jealous.
Finally, my chance has come. I hop on his train (of thought) knowing he is the only one with the path insight. I give up all control. (Which is so unlike me.) We go slowly at first. Climbing up the hill of introductions and pleasantries with the utmost caution and intensity. The anticipation is killing me. I can see the top and it looks like it could be exhilarating. With all my insecurities and fears tightly packed inside my soul and wrapped in my body with a smile for a bow, I hold on tight and let it ride.
There is a huge fall and my breath get's taken away. Then I brace myself for another uphill climb. This one is faster, smoother, and feels like a blink in time. There are ups and downs and more twists and turns. We pull up to the end and I leave. I am exhilarated. But I am tired, shocked, excited and scared. I can't decide if I should do it again or if he even cares that I do it again. Will it feel the same if I do it again?
I get on line hoping it will be worth the ride again. I do it again and again.
I am a rollercoaster junkie...
This can be a good thing and a bad thing in life.
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2 comments:
Just do what I do. Put your hands straight up in the air and scream very loudly!
It'll get his attention. . . .
I love how the anticipation is almost as fun as the ride.
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