PRIDE on a Timeline (or learning about yourself from others)

I stood because there wasn't another bar stool left. But, by standing I created a much needed curve or arc between my past and my present. It softened the time line that existed between my present day best friend and my past partner. I put my hand on the backs of both of their bar stools unconsciously sending my energy through to both of them. It's been seven years since Doug and I were in a social situation together. The last social situation was a divorce. It's been less than seven days since Lynn and I were in a social situation together. The last social situation was a bar.

Doug was not only once my boyfriend, but also my best friend. As is the case with most partnerships. Lynn is my best friend but has never been my partner. As is the case with most homosexuals.

It was happy hour. And, for the first time in a long time, I was genuinely happy during that hour. Drinking to fun and friendship instead to escape the day. Standing there between them was a rush for me. I felt a wave of emotions crash into the shores of my heart. There was excitement mixed with anxiety. There was joy mixed with nostalgia. I felt so blessed. My ten years of life bringing me to this bar. I felt mature, seasoned, scarred (in a good way) and proud. I felt like an adult with adult relationships. Doug knew me when I didn't know me. Doug knew the jealous me, the fighter, the crier, the ignorant me. He loved me anyway. Lynn knew the passionate me, the thinker, the healer, the seeker, the stubborn me. She loved me anyway. Together they brought out the best in me. I was excited for Doug to meet Lynn. Not only because she is my best friend and a great gal, but because she represents who I am now. She helps reveal the person I have become since Doug and I parted. I was also excited for Lynn to meet Doug because he represents who I was. He represents my experiences that have shaped me and helped form the person that Lynn became best friends with three years ago.

There were stories swapped and jabs taken. There was alcohol to ease the flow and food to sooth the soul. I remember there being laughter and maybe even a moment where Doug and Lynn shared the same thought regarding me. A tiny scrape of a bond forming.

I am not quite sure what they thought of each other. I am not quite sure I cared. By care, I mean that I didn't have to care. Of course, I cared whether they respected each other or not. Of course I wanted them to like one another. But, I didn't have to care about those outcomes because I was secure in how they both felt about me. I was secure that they would match up evenly and fluidly because they love me. If they love me and love the relationship we have with one another, then they were bound to accept each other with open arms, hearts and minds. I was also secure in who they were as individuals. This goes back to feeling like an adult. My friends that I have now in my life are real. They are a given. They are adults with experiences under the belt and under their skin that make them the multi faceted, crazy individuals they are today.

As I close this post, I realize the ego attached to this piece. It reads as if I am so pompous and arrogant. Oh well, maybe I am and I didn't know it until now. Or maybe, just maybe, this is what self-love, self-acceptance, and PRIDE in yourself and others feels like.