A Place at The Table

"What to wear? What to wear?" I thought to myself while preparing to attend one of my first ever business dinners. Well, not really a business dinner where you talk about business. It was more like a dinner with all the people from the business I work for eating and talking about dinner. It was a thank you dinner courtesy of the co-owner of Therapy Bar and partner of Chow Down, Inc. The company that writes my checks. It was for the managers from the four establishments that Chow Down, Inc. has control over--VYNL diner, Barrage Bar, Hell's Kitchen restaurant, and Therapy.

I wanted to look sharp, simple and professional but still maintain my personal touch. I purposely shaved about three days before the scheduled dinner so that I could have the appropriate amount of stubble to still look trendy and not shabby. I settled on black, flared dress slacks; a simple Banana stretch, long-sleeved, black v-neck; a charcoal, wool/polyblend Old Navy Blazer, black boots, and a belt with silver studs all the way around it. I think I looked rather nice, if I do say so myself.

I arrived the perfect amount of fashionably late. 12 minutes into the pre cocktail half hour before dinner. I was nervous, excited, and proud. This was an intimate gathering. With three managers of Therapy, one from Barrage, one from VYNL, two from Hell's Kitchen, and the main owner with his wife. There were only 10 of us in a private dining room. We were missing only one person. Our beloved Roza. She is like the administrative powerhouse behind all these establishments. She's the secretary, the payroll girl, the financial advisor, the accountant, the secretary. Nuff' said. There's one in every company. She was missed.

Most of us rarely get to hang out together and learn about one another because we all work similar schedules at the four locations. It was fascinating to see this people with a little wine greasing their comments not too mention their inhibitions. I, personally, was impressed with my politeness and poise that seems to fall in place just when I need it most. We were all enjoying ourselves immensely. Everyone got to have a moment at some point throughout the evening where they held the conversation briefly and addressed the entire group. There wasn't a lot of snickering about any problematic employees. There weren't any brainstorming sessions on how to bring up revenue. There really was no "biz" talk to speak of. If so, they were stories or jokes about crazy things that one can come up against in this industry. We jabbed at each other's personality quirks. Then as the wine flowed so did the conversations. I realized I was among some savvy, sensitive, creative, cultured individuals. Discussions about painters, movies, heritage, wine country, politics, love, and life.

As our belly's filled so did the silences. We were getting drunk, full and tired. In the silences, I was in thought, I found myself retracing my steps.
"Did I do well tonight?"
"Am I drinking slowly enough?"
"How the hell did I ever end up at this table?"
"Is there a place for me at this table?"
"This is a hell of a long way from Saints Bar and Dorothy's Shack!"

I came to the conclusion that I did have a place at this table. I moved from the kiddie table to the adult table. It has taken me ten years, but I made the transition. I am not at the head of the table. (yet!) I am not even next to the guy at the head of the table. But, I have a place at this table. I felt so adult. I felt mature. I even felt a little old. I felt classy. I felt intimidated. I felt hopeful. I felt secure. I felt proud. But, most of all, I felt grateful. Grateful for all the time I had put in to get here. Grateful to those around me who helped bring me to this table. Grateful for all the hardships I suffered through in order to feel the greatness of this moment at the table.